SEEEEXXX PLEASE
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
