Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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