I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
