I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
