i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
