Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize