I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think i have two assholes
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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