I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
