Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
