i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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