oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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