I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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