Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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