i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
