All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
