I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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