you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
