just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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