There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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