I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
