Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just gift wrapped bread.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
