i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
tell me about the fingering
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