drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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