hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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