she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
