She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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