the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
