The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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