We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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