I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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