when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
