I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
