Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Everything about him screamed your future.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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