There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
