State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize