Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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