Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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