My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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