I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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