I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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