Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Im part way to drunk.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
