i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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