The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
