Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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