I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
