What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
