Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
