i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
