I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
