Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
