I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
