i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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