Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
