just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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