She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
