Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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