Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
