The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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