evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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