I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
