some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
