Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
