did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
