were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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