This is not my ceiling
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
