Your dad touched me again.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
