Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
