I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize