jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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