Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
