You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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