new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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