Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
