i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
