Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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