yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
