Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
