I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think i have herpe
just one?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
