She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
