Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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