i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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