True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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