I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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