she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
