it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
