Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
