CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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