YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
