Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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