There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
