Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
