Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
