I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
