Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
