my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You need Xanax blowdarts
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
