If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
