i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
