I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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