Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
