a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
