ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
