Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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