Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
