Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Someone came in the potted fern
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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