Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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