see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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