so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
