There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
