6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
