Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize