Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
